Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I Stepped on a Lego
I stepped on a Lego earlier today
Lego pain is sneaky
At first, you don’t feel it
It seems to take a moment to register
POW! The sharp sensation
like your foot is being sliced
or stung by a jellyfish.
Eyes begin to water
A shout wells up in your throat
You fight, oh you fight, but you just can’t help it!
“KIDS! GET DOWN HERE NOW!”
Then they arrive, timid and meek
knowing by the tone of your voice
That there is trouble coming.
You look at them, not seeing children
but vicious, foot torturing terrorists.
You slowly bend down and pick up the offending Lego,
with a maniacal smile you stand back up
Limping, blood dripping from the rip on your foot
you hobble over to the nearest chair.
“Which of YOU left out the Lego's?”
Eyes dart from child to child
knowing they will all deny the atrocity
you decide to punish them all.
You consider laying out a line of Legos
and making them walk across it
Like one of those coal walking ritual things
“Let’s see how you like it!” runs through your mind
In light of the possible legal ramifications
You decide to send them all to the couch with a book
while you vacuum up the left out pieces in front of them.
You are sure that you will need surgery to recover
A splint, a cast, stitches…
Then the youngest of the perpetrators toddles over
“Mommy, you hurt? I kiss it for you. You can have my spiderman bandaid”
Sigh, punishments dealt,
Snuggle on the couch
“If you ever leave your legos out again, I will throw EVERY ONE OF THEM AWAY”.
Then smother them in kisses and go grab some shoes.