Homeschool Myth - Homeschooled Kids are Weird and Can't Relate to Others

I recently had a discussion about homeschooling and the children it produces. It seems that everyone knows someone who was homeschooled and they are the weirdest person they ever met and having a terrible time communicating with others.

No one ever talks about the people they meet that have the same issues yet were public schooled. I dare say there are more of these people out there than the entire population of homeschoolers.

There are weird people everywhere. There are terrible communicators everywhere - who are not weird by the way, they just have a hard time communicating. Perhaps if they are sitting in the neighbor's yard wearing a swim cap and pretending to grill out in the middle of January that would be weird, but I recently threatened to do this and I am a product of the public school system. Ahem.

The great thing about homeschooling is that kids are not forced to be around kids their age, all day, everyday, with limited interaction with those other than their peers.  I have a daughter in public school and she is *obsessed* with fitting in. My homeschoolers, not so much. They are free from the bondage that a large group of their peers will place them in. They don't have to please a bunch of other 9 and 10 year olds to not get made fun of and to fit in. They don't have to change the way the dress, eat, or talk. They are not compelled to fit into a man made mold and instead are free to fit into the mold God gave them. They are free to be them.

They can also relate to kids older and younger than they are. They can have conversations with adults. My 6 year old was at swim class waiting for her older siblings to be done with their practices. I watched her approach an adult woman and carry on quite the conversation. She came to me about 10 minutes later and happily exclaimed, "Mommy! I met a grown up and she is nice." She was thrilled to have made a new friend. I spoke very briefly with the woman afterwards and she complimented Rebekah's manner and cuteness. (She is stinking adorable, if I do say so myself.)
Rebekah was not intimidated or frightened by this adult. She approached her. She learned about life and people in this short conversation. She was not constrained by needing to look "cool" or by the need to please the kids that were there at swim with her.

My kids don't know a ton about pop culture, and maybe that's weird to some, but I am glad. I am glad I don't have to explain certain song lyrics, for a while I did not have to explain twerking - until my public schooler forced me to.  I don't have to explain BDSM to them like I had to with my public schooler (Thank you for nothing 50 Shades of Grey). I am glad I don't have to explain a lot of things and my kids can stay kids for just a while longer.

If any of that is weird and makes them unable to relate to others, then frankly, I will take it.

But I Can't be with My Children All Day Long Every Day!

  I have heard it too many times, "I could never be with my children all day", "My child fights me while doing homework there is no way I could teach them all day", and every variation of the two you can imagine.

  At first the statement confused me. I have never been away from my children so I have no experience with what it is like to have several hours a day, several days a week without them. I wondered what made us and all of the other homeschoolers I know different. I wondered why suddenly at 5 parents no longer wanted to be around their children for long periods at a time when quite a few of them had just spent the last 4 years being there.

 Most homeschooling parents who pull their children out of the government school system or even a private school struggle with the idea of being together all the time and don't get me wrong, there is some major togetherness that happens with homeschool. Sometimes that togetherness causes conflict, but overwhelmingly it is a joyful experience for most homeschooling families. So what is going on here?

First, it is normal. This one won't go for all families, but my own, having homechooled since the beginning of my children's formal education, just doesn't know any different. My kids did not suddenly become a separate part of me at 5 and so when 6, 7, and rolled around, we just carried on as usual. This is normal for us.

For those that pull out of the system, there is usually an adjustment time and maybe even a bit of de-schooling, but in general, homeschooling is such a natural extension of parenting and life that it takes no time at all for it to become normal.



Second, I am the one teaching my children how to behave. When children are thrown in with other children we get to witness a real life "Lord of the Flies" with kids fighting for top spot in the pecking order. There will be children who reach the top, there will be children in the middle and there will be children trampled on by the school yard hierarchy. The kids will be teaching each other how to behave and that is never a good thing. My children are pleasant to be around because their main influences for proper behavior are adults. My kids don't bully, don't care about who has the coolest clothes, don't make fun of those different from themselves, aren't disrespectful to adults or mean to those not popular. Why? Not because they are perfect, but because I am able to constantly train them on appropriate behavior. Because they are not in the everyone for himself world of the classroom. Because they are interacting extensively with adults who have (for the most part) learned how to behave! The Bible tells us that the heart of a child is foolish so imagine sticking 25 of those foolish hearts into a room and expecting the result to be well behaved children. It just isn't going to happen.

Thirdly, they don't have to bring school work home after putting in a full day at the school. I mean seriously, who wants to spend all day long doing school work and then have to do more when they get home? Where is the time to play and relax? If you have to bring work home do you not complain? Does it not sometimes make you cranky? Comparing homework to homeschooling is like comparing a day at the beach to a day doing hard physical labor. They are just not the same. My kids get to do school when they are refreshed and then they get to be done. There is no working for 7 hours and then bringing home another 3-4 hours worth of homework. I would complain about that too!

Last, because they aren't constantly exhausted. None of these parents seem to take into account the chronic sleep deprivation that kids suffer from these days. A quick Google search will bring up any number of articles on the taxing schedules that traditionally schooled children carry. If my kids were up at 5:30am to catch the bus, spending large amounts of the day sitting, then coming home with homework plus having sports practices until 9pm or later only to get up and do it all again tomorrow, they would be cranky too. Because my children are well rested and get plenty of time to break during the day, they generally stay in good moods and are much more pleasant to be around.

This is not to say my children are angels. They are not. We have had plenty of days when I would have almost considered putting their sassy hineys on that big yellow box on wheels, but I know that once I calmed down, I would be chasing it down and bringing them back home.

Busting the homeschool myths #3: All homeschoolers are religious freaks

Every homeschool mom needs a denim jumper!

Admit it. You have had the image of a Christian homeschool family, 14 children all lined in a row, girls wearing denim skirts and boys with their khaki pants, polo shirts and comb over hair do. Let's not forget mom in all of her denim jumper glory cheerfully leading the group in hymnals and Bible verse recitation. You have no doubt at some point heard someone assert that all homeschoolers were religious, Bible thumping freaks. It is even somewhat of a joke among homeschoolers.

In the pioneering days of homeschooling the demographics for homeschooling were quite different than they are today. Most parents who were willing to break the law and homeschool were doing so for religious reasons. It is true that the 1980's version of a homeschooling family might have looked quite a lot like the one I described above. Fashions were different and homeschooling families tended to be from the fundamental groups of Christianity.

It even comes in a kids version!

Once homeschooling became legal and more and more parent's eyes were opened to not only the secular state of the schools but also the academic failures of the schools that demographic began to slowly change. Today, the majority of homeschoolers still cite moral or religious training as their number one reason to homeschool, but as homeschooling becomes more popular the demographics continue to change. In my anecdotal experience, our local group consists of every type of family from atheist to fundamental Baptist. Chances are, you pass homeschoolers every day and don't notice because they look exactly like everyone else. Our family has experienced gasps of shock and awe when we mention we homeschool because we "just look so normal!".

Do some families still fit into that sterotype, yes. But, really, who cares? None of us should be making our judgements of other people based simply on what they wear.

Busting the Homeschooling Myths #2 - I Am Not Qualified to Teach My Child

In the previous post in our homeschooling myth series, we showed you that homeschool is affordable and doesn't have to be expensive. We are going to move on to homeschooling myth #2.

Homeschooling myth #2: I could never do that! I am not qualified.

There are all sorts of answers to this. I could expound on the fact that you have probably taught your children their colors, their numbers, their shapes, how to do simple counting. Not to mention teaching them how to use the potty, walk, talk, and not to play in the street or touch a hot stove.
If you question the qualifications of most homeschoolers, they may point you to all of the above as an example of their skill. And that is fine, good even!

I can only speak for me and my opinion of it all - You tell me that I am not qualified to be a teacher and I am going to tell you: You are exactly right.  I am not qualified.

The task of educating a child is monumental and an undertaking that should not be taken lightly.  I also don't want to discredit all those that have been professionally educated, trained, and certified for the task. I applaud school teachers that have to manage 20 + kids, do all the paperwork, tailor the education of a single child so they will meet the guidelines of an IEP while still having to teach to all the other students, deal with administration, and cranky parents. I am not qualified to do any of that.

This was our school one morning :)  

But, I am not called to do any of that. I am called to manage my children. I am called to train my children up in the way they should go. I am called to parent my children.  As parents, we are all teachers to some degree. I just choose to not only impart to my children our family's values, life skills, and basic safety lessons, but also choose to teach them to read, write, and to work out math problems.

I know how to read. I know how to write. I know how to do a lot of math. I can teach all that I know. As my children grow, we will do a lot of learning together. I did pretty well in school. I did well in the small amount of time I spent in college. I am willing and eager to learn. I read books, I ask questions, and I regularly investigate ways to be better at what I do - whether that is keeping the house, raising my kids, dieting (ha) or homeschooling.  This is exactly what qualifies homeschooling parents.

When (and I am sure we will) we get to a subject that I have no desire to know about or am not smart enough to understand it, and my child wants to pursue it, then we will look into co-op classes, dual enrollment classes, online resources, and other homeschooling parents that may know everything there is to know about the subject. A lot of curricula is written quite well these days, and it can be very explanatory and easy to follow.

With all that said, I don't know everything, and I won't pretend to, but I do know this, if God has called me to this task, he will equip me to do it. I will find a way, because that is what I am called to do.

Busting the Homeschool Myths #1- Homeschooling is Expensive.

When people find out we homeschool the initial reactions we get can vary from shock and awe to flat out disgust. Most, however, immediately begin to tell me how they admire me but could never homeschool themselves. In this series we plan to put to rest some of the myths and stereotypes about what it takes to homeschool.





Myth #1 Homeschooling is Expensive

When my children were first born I was working part time. I made a decent salary for a part time employee and I even had the benefit of being able to take my girls in with me! As jobs go, this one was a dream come true. However, by the time my youngest daughter was 6 months old, taking them both in was just not working. Well, more to the point was I was not working! How could I with a toddler and an infant constantly needing my attention. So, I began checking around for child care. I toured day care centers and was pleased to find one that I really loved! They had a computer lab, an indoor playground, a low teacher to student ratio and boasted a fantastic kindergarten readiness program. The kicker was that it was going to cost me $250 per week per child to send them there! $500 per week just for child care! In order to put my children into day care I would have to take a loss on my pay check. Ok, how can I make this work? I was bringing home about $350 a week on my part time hours. I could increase my hours...of course that means the girls have to stay at the day care center longer. It was unlikely that I was going to find another job that paid as well as this one and allowed me the flexibility that I needed as a mom. Then I came to a surprising conclusion. It was too expensive for me to work! It was cheaper to keep my children at home and be a non-income parent than to have a job!

Of course, I know what you are thinking, public school is free (well, free on delivery), but have you ever taken the time to tally up what it costs you to work and send your child to the "free" school? I encourage you to sit down and do so!

Consider these expenses:
gas to and from work
car maintenance
clothing for work
lunches
dinners out due to late work hours
school clothing
school supplies
gas to and from school
money for field trips/fundraisers/class parties/projects
school lunches

These are just the expenses that came to my mind, but I bet you will find that the free school isn't as free as you thought! Even if you are managing to bring home some of your pay check, what about the time investment? How much is your job and your child's public education costing you in family time?

What about homeschooling? Is it expensive? It can be.We definitely need some of those things too, and it is true, some homeschooling curriculum can run into the thousands. The great thing is that homeschooling can cost as little or as much as you want it too! Are you willing to put in a little extra time searching the internet? Between the internet and the library homeschooling can be completely free. Yes, there is a little bit of a trade. Some homeschoolers prefer to pay for the convenience of a curriculum already set up, but even that doesn't have to cost you an arm and a leg. Providers such as Rod and Staff offer a very comprehensive and inexpensive "boxed" style curriculum. A parent willing to go the extra mile can match any expensive curriculum with free or nearly free substitutes.