Thursday, May 12, 2016
Of course, in those two years life moved on. Boy did it. We moved back to town. Two years in the country taught me that things are much more romantic on paper than they are in real life sometimes. There were good things about it that I am glad we experienced. Over all, we are back home.
My daughter has "retired" from gymnastics. This in itself was a HUGE change for us. It was time though and we are slowly learning to live without it. She misses it more than I do.
My son started formally schooling and has learned to read. My last child is reading. I will never teach another one of my children to read. That is bitter sweet.
My oldest will be in Jr.High this year. For real. Which brings me to why I felt inspired to pick up my virtual pencil and start writing my thoughts down again. I need to be able to get my thoughts out without annoying those around me.
I suppose the best place to start would be our plans for this year. I have several friends who have been attending Classical Conversations the past few years. In all honesty, I have never been that drawn to it until I read about the Challenge level. On paper it looks fantastic and what I hope my oldest will gain from it, is more of the supplemental aspects of being able to discuss in group settings than for it to be our core so I think it is worth a try. Since my oldest will already be there, the other two will also attend. It just makes sense. I reserve my judgment on the Fundamental levels until I see our campus in action. I am cautiously optimistic though.
There is also a second co-op (I KNOW. I am nuts.) that we will be participating in. This is one of those co-ops that offers everything and is stupid hard to get into. In fact, we were originally denied but were offered a space about two days before all of the fees were due. That was fun. We are going to use it mostly for fun classes. My oldest is taking a cooking class, the middle and youngest is taking some sort of science class with hands on stuff. We are only tied into it on a month to month basis, unlike CC, so if it doesn't work all we really lost was our deposit and that month's tuition.
Both of the girls are doing First Lego League. This has been a fantastic experience for them. I highly recommend looking into it if your child is interested in robotics. It has been not only a great experience from the robotics, but also from having to work together to problem solve in a group setting. As soon as Luke is old enough he will definitely be joining in.
Brianna was accepted into the Jr. Zookeeper program at our local zoo. It was quite an intense process as she had to interview, present a speech and prove she really wanted the position. She was so very well prepared when we went in though and I could not have been prouder.
Considering that Brianna will have a large work load with CC I want to be very careful about what we do outside of that so I plan on working more around their interests this year while still getting in the basics. Brianna will start Teaching Textbooks since she really needs to take her math a little bit slower. Keira will continue on with Christian Light Education. Her math needs are much more intense since she intends on going into an engineering field. Luke will do TT because at the moment he just needs the basics.
There you go. It wasn't that interesting, but it is a start. See you next time!
Thursday, October 15, 2015
And then something happened and Emily left the confines of her mother’s body and her soul entered into a glorious place. A place where she will know peace and contentment. A place of hope and beauty. A place to wait for that day when she gets her new body and her parents, siblings and family will join her. For her mother, father and all the rest of her family, this was a tragedy. For her, it was a homecoming.
When my sister handed her to me for the first time, I could not believe how teeny tiny she was. A whopping 5 ¾ inches long and 4.3 ounces and carefully wrapped in a receiving blanket. I loved her the moment I heard my sister was pregnant with her, and I loved her even more after I laid eyes on her. Her tiny baby hands and sweet little baby toes, her little blond eyebrows and broad shoulders are etched into my memory. As her Aunt Amy said, “She had ears that were made for earrings.” She was so small and so light, I was afraid I would drop her.
I remember trying not to be a hysterical mess and thinking I needed to stop crying. I wanted to be strong for her mom, my precious sister. But the more I thought of how I would miss her, miss seeing her grow up, miss seeing if she got my sister’s sweet spirit and her father’s conscientiousness, the more I wept.
I thought of how her brothers and sisters would never on earth be able to play with her, to sing to her, or to tell her she was getting on their last nerve and I cried some more. I nearly cried that horrible ugly cry when I thought of her parents and their deep, wounding grief. We, Emily’s family, will miss her and think about her and look forward to meeting her again in Heaven.
Emily was more than a “late miscarriage”. Emily Grace, even though small, was her mother’s baby. She lived and is cherished and loved. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day As you go about your day, remember those precious lives that were gone too soon and the families that desperately wanted and loved them.
Monday, June 29, 2015
I don't expect nonChristians to base their lives on Christian principles. Why would they seek to honor a God they don't know, don't understand, or have outright rejected? So, it doesn't surprise me at all if a nonChristian's behavior is in contradiction to the Bible. I am always disappointed though when a Christian's behavior contradicts Biblical principles, especially when that Christian is me.
Many times over the years, my children would witness or hear of different behaviors and ask me why the people involved behaved that way. "Why do they dress so immodestly, or speak so unbecomingly? Why do they do drugs or get drunk? Why do they commit adultery, or have abortions, or murder, or steal?" I always say ,"Because they don't know the Lord. Because they aren't walking with God... or because they aren't Christians."
Thursday, February 19, 2015
7:03am- I AM SO BORED AND LONELY! I wonder what we can do today to get out of the house?
7:04am- update Facebook status
7:06am- Check status to see if anyone has replied. Decide that I should give it a few more minutes
7:08am- Still no replies. Did I make everyone angry? Maybe it just wasn't funny enough. Change status to something funny.
7:10am- Check status for replies. 1 like but no replies. What is wrong with me today?! Message friend 1 with my entire plan for the day.
7:15- friend still hasn't replied so message friend 2 with the same information and head off to get ready.
7:15-9:00am- Homeschooling requires me to spend some time not waiting on FB replies, but I spend the entire time wondering how many likes and responses I will find when I get back on.
9:30am and friend 1 still hasn't replied. Why is she mad at me? Think, think, think, what have I done or said? Ohh my goodness. The other night when we were out I said I didn't like onions. Maybe she thinks that because I don't like onions and she does that I don't like her. STUPID. How could I not have thought of that before I said it?!
9:31am Text friend 1 a veiled joke about onions to see if she is mad at me. Friend replies with LOL and tells me she is at the doctors office. Pretty sure she is lying and is really just hiding from me.
10:00am-as long as friend 2 will tolerate it, I "drive by Facebook" with her. At least I still have 1 friend in this lonely cruel world.
10:30am- See pictures of friend at doctors office with her sick child and realize she may have been telling the truth. Text soon after inviting us to a play date confirms she is not angry. Feeling stupid that I thought my friend was actually angry with me over onions.
11:00am- I have got to get out of this house! I am going to go crazy with this isolation. I would give a pound of flesh just to be near someone, anyone. I would even consider a trip to Walmart! Unfortunately, homeschooling is still calling so I spend the next 3 hours "drive by Facebooking". At least a few people have finally responded on my status. I reply within seconds. They make fun of me for Facebook stalking.
1:00pm- I am literally drained from being alone. I love my kids, but they don't fill my socialization cup. I am mentally and physically exhausted.
3:00pm- Finally, it is time to leave the house. All I am about to do for the next 5 hours is sit, but as long as I am near someone I don't care.
5:00pm- We are at my daughter's gymnastics practice. I sit and where it isn't too impolite, I interject or strike up conversations with strangers around me.
9:30pm- Come home and regret having talked a perfect strangers ear off. Pretty sure she didn't need to know the details of how my first child entered the world. Assume that they will purposely avoid me from now on.
I am pretty sure anyone not an extrovert is reading this as if I was speaking a foreign language. I cannot explain what happens in my brain during the day. I cannot explain why when I do not get an instant response I assume that someone is angry with me. That is almost never the case and the reasons I come up with for the pretend anger are almost always ridiculous to the point of being stupid. I cannot explain how being alone tires me so much, and even depresses me. All I know is that I am not trying to be annoying. I am not trying to be nosy or rude. I am not trying to not give you a chance to talk. When I sit at home by myself it is boiling inside of me and when I finally get somewhere I can speak it explodes. We extroverts have to work hard to be sure we are practicing some self-control, but we definitely appreciate the grace our introverted friends give us when we go a bit over the top!
Friday, February 6, 2015
I am probably getting kicked out of the homeschool club for this one.
Confession: I hate reading out loud. I hate the way my voice grows weak and feels tired. I hate the work behind it only to have to work to keep the kids' attention.
I am an excellent read to myselfer.
But I am a homeschool mom. I am pretty sure I am supposed to love to read out loud. I have skated by with audio books (Story of the World on audio - For The Win!) and audio books from the library. If Apologia put their science books on audio, I would probably be farther than lesson four after working on it for two years. And no, I am not kidding. We just wrapped up chapter four. I even got the audio for First Language Lessons for the Well Trained Mind.
Unfortunately, my 6 year will not cooperate in my read aloud avoidance. She is an excellent reader but she wants to sit on my lap and give me things to read to her. Because she is the baby and really cute, she can normally talk me in to it.
She has done it enough that recently the children got done listening before I got done reading. I found myself liking it.
Now, I am not promising to like it again, and I am not promising to actually finish "The Wind in the Willows" but it does at least seem possible!
It just goes to back up what I tell the kids, with enough practice, you can do pretty much anything.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Why did we not "just adopt". It sounded so simple, find a kid who needs a home, fill out a few forms, and voila! Instant family. There are so many children available and waiting for a family. Sure they may have some issues, but all kids have issues. With enough love and stability and consistency, everything will work out and be fine. You will all be grateful for one another.
After my husband and I were married 7 years, we decided to pursue foster parenting. We were placed with over 23 children in the 4 years we were foster parents. It was an amazing time that really taught me a lot. Two of those children we would eventually adopt. They were 5 and 10 months when we got them. You would think, well I thought, that if you got a child young like they were, then everything would be okay and eventually adjustments would be made and everything would be awesome.
You know that lady in the news that sent her kid back to Russia with a note pinned to him? I am not saying that was the right thing to do, but I know how she got to that point.
I know how it is to raise a child that refuses to do a thing that she is told, unless she can clearly see how it will benefit her, and even then it is questionable.
I know how it is to have a child yell at you because you expect them to do something as silly as their homework or clean up after themselves.
I know how it is to be slightly afraid to go to sleep at night because you really don't know what is going to happen when you are sleeping.
I know how it is to wake up mad before the day even starts. It is an anger that pervades your entire being and you can't talk yourself out of it and it doesn't wear off and fade away with time.
I know how it is to be tired. I am not talking about physical tiredness, although that is a part of it, I am talking about a mental and emotional tiredness that rivals the tiredness of someone who hasn't slept in three days. There is an exhaustion that can not be contained and it bleeds into every part of your life.
I know how it is to live with someone who makes you question your sanity.
I know how it is to live with a child that doesn't just lie, but is incapable of telling the truth.
I know how it is question and wonder at motives behind every good deed because you know you are being manipulated in some way or are being set up to be manipulated.
I know how it is to have more therapy appointments than you know how to juggle and then be told that those therapy appointments are going to happen *daily*.
I know how it is to question how you can give another dollar, another second of your time, another ounce of energy and more of your heart towards a cause that seems to be lost.
I know how it is to know that no matter how desperately you want to fix someone, that there is nothing you can do, because that child doesn't see the problem in themselves, only their circumstances, and therefore they only choose to try to control their circumstances rather than themselves.
I know how it is to have guilt nearly eat you up because, somehow or another, this has got to be your fault. I am the mom, the fixer of dinner, boo boos and life in general. I should be able to fix this. Why can I not fix this?
I wish I knew what to say to those parents that are engaged in this same struggle. I only know to say that I am praying for myself, my family and my fellow adoptive parents. I am regularly crying out to God on our behalfs for mercy and for peace.
I am praying for healing for my child, who has been hurt with severe hurts by the birth family that was supposed to love her and protect her.
When adoption is good, it is very good. When it is hard, it is very hard. For some people, it is always hard and everyday is a trial. It is hard to be reminded *everyday* that you are not enough. For some people it is a reminder that no matter how much you want to love and help and show God's mercy and grace, that you are not God.
Thankfully, I know who God is. I know that He is capable of healing my broken, hurting child. I know that He is the restorer of relationships and righteousness and the healer of all hurts. I know that He authors forgiveness and He alone digs up roots of bitterness. Even though I want Him to do all this now, I know He will do this in His time for willing souls. I pray for that willingness for me and my child.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
No one ever talks about the people they meet that have the same issues yet were public schooled. I dare say there are more of these people out there than the entire population of homeschoolers.
There are weird people everywhere. There are terrible communicators everywhere - who are not weird by the way, they just have a hard time communicating. Perhaps if they are sitting in the neighbor's yard wearing a swim cap and pretending to grill out in the middle of January that would be weird
The great thing about homeschooling is that kids are not forced to be around kids their age, all day, everyday, with limited interaction with those other than their peers. I have a daughter in public school and she is *obsessed* with fitting in. My homeschoolers, not so much. They are free from the bondage that a large group of their peers will place them in. They don't have to please a bunch of other 9 and 10 year olds to not get made fun of and to fit in. They don't have to change the way the dress, eat, or talk. They are not compelled to fit into a man made mold and instead are free to fit into the mold God gave them. They are free to be them.
They can also relate to kids older and younger than they are. They can have conversations with adults. My 6 year old was at swim class waiting for her older siblings to be done with their practices. I watched her approach an adult woman and carry on quite the conversation. She came to me about 10 minutes later and happily exclaimed, "Mommy! I met a grown up and she is nice." She was thrilled to have made a new friend. I spoke very briefly with the woman afterwards and she complimented Rebekah's manner and cuteness. (She is stinking adorable, if I do say so myself.)
Rebekah was not intimidated or frightened by this adult. She approached her. She learned about life and people in this short conversation. She was not constrained by needing to look "cool" or by the need to please the kids that were there at swim with her.
My kids don't know a ton about pop culture, and maybe that's weird to some, but I am glad. I am glad I don't have to explain certain song lyrics, for a while I did not have to explain twerking - until my public schooler forced me to. I don't have to explain BDSM to them like I had to with my public schooler (Thank you for nothing 50 Shades of Grey). I am glad I don't have to explain a lot of things and my kids can stay kids for just a while longer.
If any of that is weird and makes them unable to relate to others, then frankly, I will take it.