Then I picked up my first baby. A 10 month old bouncing baby boy, whose birthmother, in a moment of wisdom mingled with desperation, grief, and despair, placed him for adoption. As I took this child in my arms, I imagined I could feel her loss and felt so sorry that I was gaining from her pain. But, this was the baby I dreamed of and I was going to do this parenting thing perfectly.
|Yes, Game On!|
|Yay! This living life thing is fun! Now, servant mommy, pick me up!|
Then, I got pregnant. This is where some may think, “That always happens when someone adopts.” Let me assure you, it doesn’t always happen, and as a matter of fact, rarely happens. When you say this, it also cheapens adoption and it insinuates that adoption is a means to an end, suggesting that we only adopted to achieve pregnancy. That is certainly not the case. Anyway, I was fully aware during my pregnancy, that this was probably the only time that I would ever be pregnant, the only other baby I would ever have, and I threw the idea of perfection out the window. I was going to enjoy it, darn it. I chose to live every moment of my pregnancy (save the 40th week) in joy and satisfaction. I knew that there were no guarantees that I would actually bring a baby home (my sister says I was jaded). So, I had pregnancy pictures taken, I took pictures of my pregnant self every week, talked about being pregnant to the point, I may have run off a few friends, and just generally lived in a constant state of gratitude.
Then, I brought home the baby.
|I know! So stinking cute!|
Kids have this habit about them. They all grow and change, and you as a parent have to grow and change. That first little girl I mentioned, has an older sister. She is now 11. She is one of the girliest girls you will ever meet.
|I am so girlie! I love all things frou frou and fluffy and princess...|
I ended up adopting the little baby girl and her older sister. Now I am the proud parent of four of the most beautiful children you have ever laid eyes on. I want to live in peace about the way I parent. I don’t want to feel resentful of my kids or their demands on me because I am their mother and I am defined by that and that is okay. I will never achieve an award from Parents magazine for being the perfect parent, for coming up with the newest discipline technique that “really works”, or have kids that always behave and make the right choices. Above all, I have to do what I feel is best for my children and live in peace with that.
|This is my life - And I am thankful....|