Monday, October 4, 2010

Half-Eaten Apples

I had a weird moment today. A mom moment you might say. My son loves apples. He loves to take the whole apple and just chomp into it. The trouble is that he can't finish the apple. This leads to apple discoveries in various places (the worst being behind the entertainment center eek!). But today I found the apple neatly sat on the floor in front of the fireplace and for some reason, that half-eaten apple made me tear up. My son is my last child that will be carried in my body(I hope to adopt someday). I have several woman issues that make pregnancy dangerous for me and the baby so we have opted to end my fertility. This has led to a strange variety of emotions as I have watched all of my last, firsts. It is a fantastic mixture of sadness and happiness as I watch milestones come and go. Last first smiles, first steps, first words...they are all gone. But even as I delight in these moments, I am dreading how quickly they seem to be passing by. I am dreading the day when I no longer find half-eaten apples.

I love being a stay at home mom and homeschooling for more than just the educational value it provides. I love that I will never miss my baby's milestones. There will be no daycare worker coming up to me to announce whatever trick my son (or daughters) performed that day. I get to see each stage, each milestone, each memory. Maybe I am selfish, but as their mom I think I deserve this. Lord, help me never to forget how precious those half-eaten apple moments are.

Disclaimer: Not that I consider it anyone else's business, but my children do participate in activities without me. No need to worry that I keep them locked up in the house :)

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