Dear Disgusting Insect Whose Purpose I Have Yet to Discover,
You are a JUNE bug. Not an April bug, not a May bug. A June Bug. If you are going to insist on parking yourself on my front porch where I will inevitable feel and hear the crunch of my shoe crushing you the least you could do is stick to the month to which you are designated. JUNE.
Sincerely the June-bugist owner of the porch on which you so inconveniently make your home,