Thursday, January 28, 2010

Friendships

About 3 years ago I swore I would never use the term best friend again. It was a contrived term used only to separate friends into degrees. If I have a best friend then it stands to reason that I must have a worst friend right?

We all used it during high school and at the time I really and honestly thought those friendships would last forever. And then I grew up. Looking back I can honestly say that I let those friendships manipulate me. I let them define me when most of the time those who claimed to be my best friends were the ones who hurt me the most. They were the ones that were least trustworthy. Of course, now it doesn't really bother me because I have come to realize that, for most of us, our best friends are not made during high school. They are made as adults.

I ended a friendship a few years ago that took me almost 20 years to realize it was toxic. Really, when I think back on the straw that broke the cammel's back, it almost seems silly. However, I can tell you that night, I sat in bed and cried, partially because I had been betrayed, partially because I was very sad to have to cut someone out of my life, but mostly because I was relieved. Very relieved. That night I determined never to have a best friend again.

Now you have to know all of that to realize how much this next part of the story impacted me.

We joined First Baptist church 3 years ago. I met alot of good women and made some great friends. I have grown closer to some than to others and in general was happy to keep everyone just far enough away as to not be burned again. But in all honestly I was very envious of everyone claiming to have a "best friend". I mean who doesnt want to be able to post on facebook that they hung out with their "bestie" and so on right? My husband is and always will be my absolute best and most intimate friend but I really needed a girl friend that I could count on.

I prayed for God to put friends into my life. One day he finally did that. Though it took us a bit of time to realize it! A friend at church helped me get a job at a MDO program. I was stoked and soon was doing my best to get to know each of the other ladies I worked with. One of those gals was Brandie. It was perfect. She had a son just my Keira's age! So I began to ask Brandie if she would like to go on playdates? In fact I recall one time we ran into each other at a little water park and I attempted to plan a date then. She was consistantly non-commital or just flat out said no thanks. After a while I started to wonder, did I smell? was there a booger hanging out of my nose each time we talked? Gasp, did she just not like me?! No, no that couldn't be it right? So, one day I asked her what is the problem? Why do you never want to meet up for a playdate? You know what her exact words were? " I dont want to be your friend". Yep, thats what she said to me. Honestly, I dont remember being anything but shocked. I also dont remember what changed but finally she agreed to get together and from then on she has been my best friend.

What I love about our friendship is that it is honest. Sometimes honest isnt always nice, but I know that if I call Brandie I can count on her to hold me accountable. That she will always tell me when I need to shut up and get over it, and when what I am complaining about is my own fault. And I can do the same for her and we are still friends when its over! Even beyond the "deeper" things I can ask her if she likes my hair and if she doesnt she is truthful! Truth in a friendship, imagine that! Its also fun to have someone that I can just be silly with!

Anyways, I just wanted to take some time to write down how I met you and to let you know that I am truly blessed to have a friend like you in my life. You have been more to me than you know and I am looking forward to seeing how our friendship grows. I love you girl!

4 comments:

Brandie said...

that made me cry!! i do enjoy and cherish our friendship very, very much. i do think that sotyr is funny the day you asked me why I was ignoring your playdate requests. somehow you suckered me in!! but my prayers were answered too that day. and after years now, here we are! i enjoyed our day together today, it was way to long of a break from the last one. we cant let that happen again!!! and i agree to all the best friend terms and am glad to have a "bestie" myself!

Anna said...

I just have that effect hehe. Your right it was too long. Can't wait to start the Bible study though and get Pretty in Paperback back on track!!

Brandie said...

Im not trying to be mushy or anything, but both of you ladies are just alike. You have been a wonderful friend to my wife and I want to thank you for that. She has been wanting a friend like you for a long time now. I hope your friendship continues to grow. We love you guys!

Brandie said...

that was Jason btw in the last comment