ADHD - It Is Real, Folks!

I have four children. They all have their own personalities, their own way of looking at things, their own level of activity and their own way of learning.  My six year old son is, by far, the calmest child I have.  He will sit for however long I need him to, in order to be taught whatever I want to teach him.  If he is not sick with a headache, then he pays good attention and, for the most part, puts effort into whatever his assignment is.  My four year old is, well, four.  She does and acts exactly like you would expect a four year old to act.   She can do school for about a half hour before she *needs* to get down and go play.  My seven year old daughter is a little more active in her learning.  She likes to wiggle and jiggle and talk and talk.  She benefits from sitting on an exercise ball and tends to be more excitable.  Her work trends toward messy and she is distracted quite easily.

Then there is my 12 year old.  She has ADHD.  For all of you who doubt that ADHD is real and pass judgment on those parents who have children with ADHD, I implore you to open your minds to the possibility that it is real.

ADHD can be more than inattentiveness and hyperactivity.  Here are some of the symptoms:

• impulsiveness
• inattentiveness
• constantly in motion
• messy
• disorganized
• not responsive to detail
• inability to be organized
• inability to control behavior
• inability to focus
• seemingly unable to hear your, even when spoken to directly

A child who is a normal, active learner, can be frustrating for a person who is more of a verbal learner/teacher.  Those parents may wonder if their child has ADHD, because they don't understand the thought process and learning style of the active learner.  My seven year old is an active learner.  She doesn't have ADHD.

My 12 year old struggles to learn, no matter the method of teaching.  She is impulsive beyond belief.  She struggles to control herself.  This means she lies - even when the truth may be better, she leaves things halfway done, she makes decisions that leaves me scratching my head, she can not seem to keep her room clean, she frequently disobeys, she can not seem to "get it together", she is overly emotional, she has a short fuse, she has frequent outbursts of frustration, she loses everything, she can not remember anything, she literally is in motion at the most inappropriate times, she talks and talks and talks and doesn't seem to be able to stop.

She is on medication.

Some think it is an evil toxin, I think it is a miracle.

And the medicine?  It works.  She is better. She can learn. She gets things accomplished. She is easier to live with. She doesn't lie excessively.  She can concentrate on her schoolwork. She can follow directions. She can find things. She is sweet, helpful, and obedient.

So many people have the answer to her ADHD and judge me, harshly for having her on medication.  To them I say, "Walk a mile in my shoes.  Take my child for a week.  Tell me what worked for you with her.  I don't care what worked for you with your kid, your neighbor's brother's uncle's kid. They are not my kid.  I have heard it all.  Change their diet. Take out the sugar, red dye, processed foods, switch to organics, never eat out again, take the wheat out of your diet, take the carbs out of her diet, and so on and so forth. I love how people suggest this, as if it were simple.  If I took everything people told me to take out of her diet, I think she may be able to eat grass, as long as a dog didn't pee on it and it did not get rained on.

Caprese Salad?  I don't know... is the cheese made from pastured, grass fed, organic, raw cow's milk?  

Another one of my favorites is when people blame it on the vaccines she received as a child.  That is especially unhelpful.  Number one, I had no choice but to vaccinate her, as she was a foster child. Number two, even if I did have the option at the time, what am I supposed to do? Unvaccinate her?  It is not helpful to tell me or any other parent what we *should* have done if it is nothing we can change. (For the record, I do vaccinate, willingly.)

ADHD is real.  Is it over diagnosed? Maybe, probably.  But, not at my house.

I think my point in all of this is to just ask all of you who doubt to quit Googling ADHD cures and talk to a mom of a child with the disorder, with an open mind, and without your "helpful" suggestions - unless she asks of course - and then tread cautiously and don't throw a lot of information her way.  

Secondly, I want to encourage you moms out there with kids that have ADHD.  You can do it.  You have not failed. Keep on fighting the good fight. :)  If one of the tools in your shed is medication, do not feel badly about giving it.  If the tool is counseling, do not feel badly about taking them.  If you suspect that your kid has ADHD, then it is ok to seek medical help.