Homeschool Myth - Homeschooled Kids are Weird and Can't Relate to Others

I recently had a discussion about homeschooling and the children it produces. It seems that everyone knows someone who was homeschooled and they are the weirdest person they ever met and having a terrible time communicating with others.

No one ever talks about the people they meet that have the same issues yet were public schooled. I dare say there are more of these people out there than the entire population of homeschoolers.

There are weird people everywhere. There are terrible communicators everywhere - who are not weird by the way, they just have a hard time communicating. Perhaps if they are sitting in the neighbor's yard wearing a swim cap and pretending to grill out in the middle of January that would be weird, but I recently threatened to do this and I am a product of the public school system. Ahem.

The great thing about homeschooling is that kids are not forced to be around kids their age, all day, everyday, with limited interaction with those other than their peers.  I have a daughter in public school and she is *obsessed* with fitting in. My homeschoolers, not so much. They are free from the bondage that a large group of their peers will place them in. They don't have to please a bunch of other 9 and 10 year olds to not get made fun of and to fit in. They don't have to change the way the dress, eat, or talk. They are not compelled to fit into a man made mold and instead are free to fit into the mold God gave them. They are free to be them.

They can also relate to kids older and younger than they are. They can have conversations with adults. My 6 year old was at swim class waiting for her older siblings to be done with their practices. I watched her approach an adult woman and carry on quite the conversation. She came to me about 10 minutes later and happily exclaimed, "Mommy! I met a grown up and she is nice." She was thrilled to have made a new friend. I spoke very briefly with the woman afterwards and she complimented Rebekah's manner and cuteness. (She is stinking adorable, if I do say so myself.)
Rebekah was not intimidated or frightened by this adult. She approached her. She learned about life and people in this short conversation. She was not constrained by needing to look "cool" or by the need to please the kids that were there at swim with her.

My kids don't know a ton about pop culture, and maybe that's weird to some, but I am glad. I am glad I don't have to explain certain song lyrics, for a while I did not have to explain twerking - until my public schooler forced me to.  I don't have to explain BDSM to them like I had to with my public schooler (Thank you for nothing 50 Shades of Grey). I am glad I don't have to explain a lot of things and my kids can stay kids for just a while longer.

If any of that is weird and makes them unable to relate to others, then frankly, I will take it.

Homeschooling Through Crisis

At first, we thought it was funny.  My husband and I would watch our son start to nod off during car rides. He would seem almost infantile in his struggle to be awake and it was funny to see him nod off and jerk back up.  Then he started doing it at meal time. It was funny then too.  I caught it on video several times with the intent to use it as leverage when he got that first girlfriend.

Then he started napping right after breakfast. Then lunch. Then I could not keep him awake. Initially, I thought he was coming down with something. Then I thought it was a growth spurt. Then I realized that something was wrong. One day I simply could not wake him up. I thought he was unconscious. I very nearly called 911 until I pinched him and the pain stimulation woke him up.

It wasn't funny anymore.  Something else was wrong.  We were back in crisis mode.

I once heard a preacher say that you are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or getting ready for a crisis. I don't know that is overly encouraging but I find it has a lot of truth.

When a homeschooling family is in crisis, they not only have to figure out how to continue their lives but they also have to figure out how to fit school in.  If one child is affected but not the other kids, what do you do about their activities, their schoolwork, etc.  If a parent is affected then how do you deal with a spouse in crisis and take care of the kids' schooling?

Homeschooling during a crisis is about as much fun as peeling your fingernail off.  But, it can be done.

1. Be prepared for crisis (as much as one can be).  I have a chronically ill child. For us, being prepared means having age/grade appropriate worksheet books to turn to when I can not teach a lesson or be "hands on mom"  and for taking in a backpack to doctor's offices. It also means knowing where insurance cards are, always.

2. Have a small cooler washed and ready to use.  When I have a lot of errands or doctor's visits in a day, I pack a cooler with ice, water bottles and some cut up sandwiches for snacks. It helps a lot to be able to feed the kids on the road if necessary.

3. Rethink your extracurriculars - but only temporarily!  When you sign up for things, know how to extricate your child from them and the consequences for doing so. If you must pull your child out, then ask if they can return when things are better.

4. Stick to your normal routine as much as possible.  Your family benefits from routine when everything else seems messy and troubled.  Even now, we all get up at the same time, we do school in the mornings (barring appointments and anything happening that I must be there for), we have lunch, they play and so on.

5. If you have a sick child and he can do something, then make him do something. It keeps them feeling more normal and keeps them from falling farther and farther behind. Don't let them slack unnecessarily on their school work or their chores.

6. Take excellent care of yourself. This is my biggest hurdle. Take time out when possible for you to recharge and regroup. Make sure you give your spouse time out as well. Take time out with each other.

7. When people offer to help, accept it. If they say let me know if there is anything they can do, ask them if they mean that then find something for them to do. Maybe it is helping you catch up on your laundry, making you a couple of freezer meals, picking up a prescription for you, taking your car in for an oil change, etc.

8. Don't be afraid to say no. No is a magical word. It helps you to keep your time free. Don't feel guilty about saying no.

9. Take time off. You can just sit and breathe. Maybe this time is when you all spend days with each other and do nothing but comfort each other. Sometimes, that is just what we need. No pressure of life, just family togetherness.

10. Seek help. If you need help, get it. If you think you need help, get it.  No man is an island and we should not live like one.

Time for Reading

When new parents think about homeschooling, most of the time our minds go immediately to “Can I teach someone how to read?” We don’t typically think, how do I teach my child to add or how do I teach my child about how to tie their shoes?

Teaching a child to read is for sure an overwhelming thought. The process seems a bit strange and abstract. So we start by teaching our child the alphabet, generally around the age of three. We sing songs and play games and buy videos and apps for our kids to watch and play to encourage reading.

When the child officially starts kindergarten, we jump right into whatever book we have chosen to help propel our child into literacy. Then it happens. The child only offers a blank stare at the proposition that letters are more than songs and things on a fun app. A stands for more than apple.
They don’t get it.

So we search the internet about teaching a child to read, ask all our homeschooling friends, and all the teachers we know about the process of teaching a child to read. Then we gather those suggestions, our own research and we form our own theory about how it should work and why it isn’t.  The next step is finding a curriculum that closely resembles the theory we have come up with and the method that addresses whatever we believe the problem is.

We eagerly, with new hope and a bright shiny attitude, offer the proposed curriculum to the child. The child sees more of what confuses him in the first place. A stands for more than Apple. All the letters look different from each other. They all make sounds and are not consistent in their sounds. The instructions have a lot of words that look like a foreign language. The child is being called upon to deal with more than just one letter, one sound at a time and is now being told those sounds go together to form words. The problem is there are so many sounds and they all have to be memorized and then sounded out in a particular order and his parent is looking at him with a wistful longingness that is shadowed by a hint of desperation. He is confused and his self esteem takes a hit.

The parent sees that the child is struggling and apparently not comprehending. The parent’s self esteem takes a hit. Maybe they are not cut out for homeschooling. Maybe they were silly to think they could homeschool to begin with. Maybe someone else could do it better.  Maybe it is the curriculum.  So, they buy another curriculum (maybe there is something different about this one) or hire a tutor or put the child in a brick and mortar school. Maybe the parent will have the child tested.

The real problem?  A always stands for more than Apple, folks. The process of blending is essentially the same and there will always be sight words. The real issue is typically the child and their readiness to read.

The Common Core State Standards are not the only things that have decided a child should read by first grade. So have a lot of parents.  

The wonderful thing about homeschooling is that children can truly learn at their own pace. If they are not ready to read or are really struggling, we can set it aside or back up to a place where the child is mostly comfortable. Instead I find we as parents tend to judge our ability to homeschool and sometimes our ability to parent based on our child’s ability to read. And then the parent continues to push the child towards something they are not ready to do. This is not okay. Your child’s value and success as a student is not based on his or her reading ability. Your capability as a parent is not measured by your child’s reading ability.

I encourage you to take a breather. If your child is struggling, take a break. Skip reading lessons for a while. Read with your child or listen to audio books together. Skip school and play. Give your child time to mature a bit.

I have taught four children to read. My three older children all struggled. Their lack of ability made me question my own worth as a mother. But we persisted and worked in spurts. If they struggled and if there were tears and/attitude, we simply stopped. Eventually, there was enough starting and stopping that one day we started again and we did not have to stop. They were all around 9 when this happened for them. My youngest learned to read at lightening speed. She was reading at age 4! I am not even sure I taught her, it seemed to have just happened!  

So, parents, give yourselves and your kids time. Remember childhood is about learning and play and figuring out the world and how it works.

TruthQuest History Review

I was never a fan of history when I was in school. Ok, if I'm being honest, I was not much of a fan of school when I was in school. Perhaps that's why the Lord then put me in a position of teaching Kindergarteners for a year and then mentoring elementary students for another six years. And now, He has blessed me with homeschooling my own sons! (Which includes history...) We are in our tenth year of homeschooling and I LOVE it! And guess what, I LOVE history! Imagine that.

Because I have come to love history so very much, you will find my book shelves lined with fabulous read alouds from every era. I've had the opportunity to try several different approaches to teaching history. And at the end of the day, our family always comes back to hands-on activities and excellent literature.

TruthQuest History is just such an approach. In fact, it can be used almost any way you prefer! In our home, we use the Tapestry of Grace. But the information found in the TruthQuest books really helps us to dig just that much deeper and bring to life the people we're studying! The flexibility makes it an easy fit for many homes.

The guide begins with a few pages just for mom and dad. These pages are loaded with terrific advice, but it will never tell you one specific way to use this curriculum. It allows you, the parent, to decide the best way to learn in your own home... reminding you that you are in charge, not the curriculum. Sometimes we need just such a reminder. It suggests that you decide what fits your family. If you have younger children, it encourages the use of hands on activities with building blocks, paints, etc. If your child is older, they are encouraged to go deeper on a subject by doing more research. This makes it an easy fit for all ages!

After a lengthy table of contents you will find the 'read aloud' parts of TruthQuest. An older child could feel free to read these pages on his own and then discuss them together with his parents. If you are working with multiple ages you could read aloud to everyone at one time. These pages are not full of the dry, dull text that I so disliked in school. It is as if the author is sitting down with the reader and explaining history in an easy to digest style.

After the commentary, you will find a section titled "Dig In." This is where you can bring in books to read together or have children read independently. These books are all incredible "living" books. And the list is extensive! Not only is there a nice long list, but there are appropriate warnings listed beside the titles. This is a fabulous resource because, let's be honest, how many of us have the time to pre-read every book? They also provide approximate ages for each book so you'll know right away if the book is a fit for your family. Many of the books listed are available at your local library. But if you want to purchase them for your own library, you can easily do so online, in bookstores, or at local thrift stores as well! In addition to books, you'll also find audio and video options sprinkled throughout. If that weren't enough, they'll give you plenty of ideas for activities and art!

"Express Your Heart" is found throughout the "Dig In" sections. In this area you can get as creative as you like! You may use art, music, composition, poetry, story telling/writing, acting, or any other way your child learns best to really grab hold of the ideas taught. This helps us to reach out to our children in ways that they learn and recall information. So if you have a child with a creative bent, run with this section! If you don't, you are certainly never required to complete it.

"ThinkWrite" is a terrific part of the study that allows your student to really chew on the information given to them by thinking, and sometimes, writing. If your child isn't a writer, you could use this section to open up fantastic discussions.

They also recommend various books to be used as 'spines' through your study. You'll easily recognize many of the titles. Streams of Civilization, Story of the World, Greenleaf, and of course the Bible are among the titles in the Beginnings study. This makes it very easy for you to create a history curriculum and style that is your own, using your favorite resources. Or, none at all! You can simply read the study guide on its own and have plenty of information to enjoy together. If you already have a history curriculum that you love, you can easily add the reading from the TruthQuest study guide to deepen your history study time.

However, my favorite part of TruthQuest is the list of living books in the back of the study guide. If for no other reason, this alone is reason enough to own the TruthQuest series. TruthQuest says that they are not giving you books to read and then leading you through a structured curriculum of each book. But instead they are providing a lengthy list of rich history books that you can choose to use to learn history!

I am very impressed with the guide, the list of books, audios, and videos, and the price! You can purchase the book, the PDF or both at a very reasonable price! But how do you choose where to start? This link will be very valuable. There are plans of study for one to eight years as well as how to place multiple children. Tour their site and you'll find supplements that may be a great fit for your family. There are lapbook materials, notebooking pages, mini book ideas, and more!

Whether you use this as your core history curriculum, or as a supplement to the spine you are using now, I believe you will find great value in its pages. TruthQuest has outdone themselves and I'm so pleased to have found such a rich resource!

A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Younger Me,

 You are sitting on the couch right now browsing curriculum catalogs and researching learning styles. And you are FREAKING.OUT. Not on the outside of course, but on the inside you are panicking. Before you had children you just knew that your child would get the public school education you "missed" out on. You even moved to be in a school district that was supposed to be fantastic, and maybe it was. However, as your children grew you realized that you really didn't miss out on anything worth having, but as K5 for Brianna inched closer, you also realized that you couldn't bear the thought of being one of those moms standing in tears watching as this child who has been so fought for, so wanted, this child who was an extension of you, was sent away to someone else for 8 hours a day to be taught and trained. Even private school was out. So you decided to give homeschooling a trial run.

I am here today to tell you that the trial run never ended. You did it. You made it past those first few years when you were most likely to quit. As a result you have been witness to some of the most joyful moments as well as those most difficult ones in your children's lives. You have taught them to read and to count. They have learned about space and phonics, Ancient and American history and botany. Your children, who by the way, now number 3, are bright, polite and pleasant to be around.  They speak respectfully to adults, make friends where ever they go and are learning at a pace you can hardly keep up with! Both Brianna and Keira are avid readers and eat up classic literature like it is cake. Your youngest, Luke, is a little more reluctant, but he is also learning and adores to add sums on his fingers!

Your kids will make friends! They will, I promise. They will become part of a community that you help start! You will get to be a part of planning parties, play dates and even field day! Your children will have friends ranging from 2 years all the way up to adult! Some of their favorite people right now are young adults! Teens that love to be around the little ones will be vital in helping your child see what young adults should act like. They will participate in sports and volunteer work and one day they will get to participate in prom and even a formal graduation service! All those things that everyone is telling you they will miss out on...well, let's just say that homeschooling is an oxymoron.

That is not to say there weren't rough days. Yes, those were there too. There were days when you were sure that you wanted to give up, that you weren't doing a good enough job, that the task seemed impossible. You still have them, even this far in, but what you have gained is wisdom, conviction and a burning desire to see your children succeed. What started out as just a deep need to not be apart, is now a strong unquenchable commitment to teaching and training your child not only in academics, but in the admonition of the Lord. And oh, how you have needed His grace during the days that seemed they would never end. If not for that unfailing grace, the tears that sometimes seemed to flow for days would have never stopped. But by this grace, you have come to see that your children are not only your God-given responsibility to raise, but that they are a joy beyond measure and you would not want to trade even the bad days. I want to tell you all of this because I know how hard and impossible it will seem at times. I know that for every success there will be a struggle, but that you will make it through and you will reap rewards that you could never have imagined.

I also want to tell you to take a step back and relax! You will come to a place where you recognize that pushing 4 hours of formal work on a pre-k aged child is not helpful. When you realize that learning is not something found in a book, your entire homeschooling experience will change and while book learning will still be very much a part of your day, you will also learn to enjoy those more "organic" moments. You will spend days without ever opening a math book and that is OK! Those walks in the park discovering bugs or days playing store, they are learning too. Take advantage of quiet times, sit on the couch and read together. Oh, your children will enjoy that so much! Go play in the sandbox when the weather is nice and plant gardens together. Take spontaneous trips to the library and let them pick out 30 books, all on minerals and crystals, you know they will never read. Play lego for hours and put the art supplies in a place they can access at any time. Don't fret, two are now advanced readers and the third, well he is only 4. There will be plenty of time for math books and formal science. Right now, enjoy your children.

So put the curriculum catalogs down, step away from the printer and just be with your children. Enjoy these precious younger years that fly by faster than you could have ever imagined and know, that you can do it and you can do it better than a stranger in a class room can. No one knows your children like you do, no one cares for your children or is willing to fight for them the way you do and that mama, makes all the difference.

Your 4 years in the future self,

Because These Moments are Few

 We moved from our first home because of the school district we were in. I had planned, even insisted, that my children would go to a good public school. However, as my oldest approached her 5th birthday I found myself gripped with anxiety. My heart ached over the idea of sending my precious baby, who I had fought so hard for (we struggled with infertility and then a life threatening pregnancy which culminated in a pre-term delivery and a NICU stay) off to strangers for several hours a day made my insides turn.

My initial reason for homeschooling was that I could not bear the thought of being apart from her. I did not wish to share her first day of school, her first time reading, the cute mis-spoken phrases and stories. I did not want to hear second hand of how she finally mastered addition, or had so much fun chasing frogs, or dancing in the rain that surprised everyone at recess. I shuddered to think of all of the extraordinary moments I have witnessed that would have seemed too ordinary for any one to bother to report to me. I did not want to share her heart with teachers or friends. I did not want to be replaced by peers.

Some may tell me that is selfish, but can it be selfish to want something that should be mine?

God gifted me with a little girl. He commanded me to raise her, love her and teach her. She is only mine for a moment, and sometimes the days are long and hard, but He rewards my faithfulness by allowing me to witness the unimaginable gift of her childhood. I do not exaggerate when I say that it brings a pang to my heart to even think of not having been with her as she has grown.

Diapers to tea parties, Lego to high school prom, and one day I will find myself watching my baby, Lord willing, walk down the aisle where she will make a promise to become someone else's.


And then there is time. Time that one way or another will soon be over. Time that passes so quickly we hardly notice until we are staring into the eyes of a little girl that no longer has to stand on her tippy-toes to wrap her arms around your neck. Or as according to God's will our child who just yesterday was running through the grass, is now resting in Jesus' arms.




No matter how it happens, one day I will have to give her up and I chose to hold her as closely and tightly as I can, until that moment comes, because these moments are few.

My Brother's Sister's Cousin's Best Friend's Uncle-In-Law Fails to Teach Their Kids Anything!

We got a comment on this blog not to long ago from a grandmother fussing about how her grandchildren were not learning anything while being homeschooled, that their mother was only concerned with field trips.

It irritated me.

First of all, it was by "Anonymous". Anonymous surely has a lot to say and most of the time it is critical and condescending. People are braver when they are anonymous and tend to not tell complete truths and entire stories. They just rush to judgement and offer harsh words against others. If you are going to be nasty, at least have the decency to own it.

Anonymous is brave.

I also wonder if she had ever voiced her concerns to her grandchildren's mother, out of love and concern and without a condemning spirit. I wonder what her attitude was toward homeschooling in the first place and if she allowed that to cloud her judgement. She just sounded angry and ticked off.  So, I am thinking there is more to it than what she admitted.

But, that aside, what if we *did* find out that someone was not teaching their kids? What if we found out that the kids were bright and ready to learn and the only thing holding them back was laziness on the part of the parent.  What if there was a child whose education was being severely neglected?

My answer is going to piss a bunch of you off -

I can take it! (Maybe)

So what? Why is that your business? I believe it is the right of every parent to decide the education they want for their kids. Do I agree that a parent should not do anything? No. Do I think it is a good idea to not educate a child? No. Do I think the parent is failing if they say they homeschool and do nothing? They are absolutely failing their child in this area. Do I think the child should be removed from the home and put someplace where they will be "better off"?

Not if at the end of the day is the child loved and cared for. I have two children that I have adopted out of the foster care system. When a child is removed from their home it causes them harm. Sometimes, it is unavoidable, as it was in the case of my adopted children, to keep them safe and healthy. But even though my home is safe, my kids are loved, my kids are well cared for, and my kids are appropriately educated - my daughter hurts. Her pain has really opened my eyes to what removing kids from their home does and the damage it causes, even after being placed in a better environment where healing is promoted and offered.

Love doesn't fix everything, it just makes the pain that was inflicted more bearable. 

So, if I ever ran across a family like this, I think I would just love them. And in loving them, maybe I could offer a reading lesson or two. Maybe I could offer to have their kid(s) sit in on my own children's history lessons. Maybe the parents would learn to trust my love for them and eventually open up about why they making the choices they are, because I will bet there is a reason, and maybe I could offer assistance.

Maybe I could pray for them.

I will leave with this last thought. Kids learn an amazing amount on their own. It is astounding to me all of the things my kids know that I have never taught them. We never had formal handwriting classes. But, all of my kids know how to write and form letters, my son actually has beautiful handwriting. My four year old taught herself simple subtraction after learning how to do simple addition. Their minds are just like sponges and really do soak up the world around them.  I am reminded that we are standing before the judgement seat of Christ, we are not going to be asked how much algebra we understood or if we ever got around to reading "Little Women".

But God will care about our character, how much we loved, and how much we forgave. 

A Homeschooling Nightmare: The Bad Attitude

Cranky, whiny, unwilling to try, frustated, tearful, and just plain mad; all adjectives that describe the prevailing homeschooling attitude of a day going horribly wrong.  But what do you do about it and how can you get everyone back on track? This attitude won't do you any good.
When you are feeling all these things, you are no good to your kids and life is not fun anymore. We have enough apart from our kids to suck the joy out of our days, so we need not let school do that as well.  So, here are a few practical steps to help you find your happy place.

Take a break.  Call recess.  Make all the kids go outside and play for half an hour.  You do what you do to relax.  Do not stand around wringing your hands about school.  Go clean your room, sort your closet, ride a bike, lift some weights, knit an afghan, or scrapbook about happier times. DO NOT wash clothes - you may find clean clothes with the dirty ones and that will just annoy you more. DO NOT wash dishes - you could find the mornings cereal in the sink when the kids told you they had dumped it out in the garbage - you will be annoyed more.  DO NOT clean the kids room - nothing is more irritating than to go to your child's room and finding the $130 Nintendo DS on the floor.  (But, you COULD play the DS.)

Phone a friend with kids who act worse than yours (we all know someone!).  Do not talk about your kids.  Talk about hers.  I know this is rotten. But, it helps to see the mediocrity of others.  Do NOT call that mom who has everything together, bad timing, it will make you want more, and just overwhelm you.

Write a blogpost or Facebook post about the merits of public school.  This will remind your why you do what you do!
Get back to it.  When you get off the phone and call the kids in, you will need to try again.  Remind yourself Rome was not built in a day and your children won't be educated in one, either.  Rest assured, they will learn to read, they will learn their numbers, they will do it on their time table and not yours!  If your attitude is still bad, put it up for the day. Nothing is worth the damage you will cause to the relationship with your kids. 

Remember, if what you are doing doesn't feel like love, then stop.  Love on your kids. This morning my children eagerly demonstrated the things I do when I get mad or frustrated.  It wasn't pretty and I certainly did not ask them to.  It made me want to change. 

So, this is my blogpost, while my kids are playing outside.  I am going to drink a cup of coffee, call a friend, and then get back to it!